Cranky Jennie ;-p

I am at the mercy of my hormones.

Remember back in the day when you were a teenager and hormones completely ruled your existence?  Guess what?  You get to experience all that again mid-life.  Hooray for hormones!

Hormones control so many systems in our body, it’s amazing that they work so well.  At least most of the time!

In the last year, I have had more zits on face then I’ve had COMBINED as a teenager.  Ridiculous.  I seek out new bottles of Clearasil every time I walk into CVS.  I even went to a dermatologist to fix the problem.  My favorite facial zits are the ones on the tip of my nose OR the one right between my eyes.  Lovely.

Hormones pack on some extra pounds on your hips and in your belly too.  More JOY!  Should I even bother to mention that the added weight is even harder to lose than those five extra pounds you meant to lose 10 years ago?

As I’m approaching my forties, I have the added bonus of of hormonal imbalances that mess with my Aunt Flo.  So, regardless of the fact that I have been like clockwork for the last 25 years, hormones have decided that I’d become complacent.

Are you sensing a pattern here?

Lately, my experiences with hormones have not been very positive.  In their defense, hormones regulate so many bodily functions that I would be remiss to not include an example or two where they actually work.

I do not have an over-abundance of testosterone, so I’m not a hairy nymphomaniac.  Of course, some people might actually like that!  Don’t worry, I won’t go there!!!!

I still ovulate and could get pregnant, if that’s what I wanted.  No, thank you!

My metabolism still works, even though it’s slower than I would like!  I could be one of those thyroid-challenged people who have to take synthetic hormones every day and gain 50 pounds before they even know something is wrong.  SO, I have that going for me

As a   teenager, I complained about a variety of things, but never made the connection to hormones.  As an adult, I have new-found respect and knowledge for them.  They control so many different functions, that when one is off, you can frequently tell the difference.

Hormones can make us happy or sad, thin or fat, clear-skinner or riddled with acne, horny or asexual.

Who knew they could pack so much power?!

Little bastards

Every once in awhile, the planets align just right and the idiots and jackasses of the world get what they deserve (No, I’m not talking about Ted Kennedy - may he rest in peace).

In May, I contracted with a company to have a bounce house delivered for my daughter’s birthday party.  I spent many a phone call with the company’s representative, hammering out all the details.  All, except a delivery time.  Now, the party was at 2 pm, so a reasonable time in my head was 11 am.  I knew I would be home by then, so I didn’t say anything.

Well, the delivery man showed up at 10.  I wasn’t home, nor was I available since I was coaching a softball game.  The delivery man called a few times and then left.  When I got home, I called, asked for him to come back, he refused, so I refused to pay him.  The service wasn’t provided, so why should I pay him?  He blamed me for not getting the delivery time.  Excuse me, but who is the customer?

A week later, I noticed he had charged my credit card - without my authorization.  So, I went through all the channels to have the charge refunded, which my credit card did do (thank you, Chase).  The Better Business Bureau also agreed with me.

Apparently, this wasn’t enough for HIM.  About two months later, I get a summons for Small Claims Court.  Now I’m on fire.  I gathered every scrap of paper I could find concerning this whole thing, including the softball schedule, my credit card bill, all correspondence with the BBB, etc.

Yesterday was my day in court.  By the way, my husband, G, gets a thrill out of seeing me get all fired up.  I may have called HIM (not G) a few choice names between the time of the summons and yesterday’s court appearance.  The judge, God Bless Him, found in my favor because HIM could not prove the delivery time was confirmed.  That, and of course, the service was never provided!

The piece de resistance of the entire episode was after the Dismissal of Claim.  HIM started arguing with the judge.  Repeatedly.  He couldn’t wrap his little head around the decision because, “I have a signed contract”. His juvenile, idiotic behavior at the end really made me feel so much better at the end.

The moral of the story, as far as I’m concerned, is that you fight for what is right.  The amount of the service was inconsequential.  The fact is, HIM was rude and nasty to his customer and JUSTICE was served (oh, and it cost him a few bucks).

I started school again yesterday.  As I’ve mentioned before, I’m enrolled in College Algebra, Chemistry II and Anatomy & Physiology.  These are all prerequisites for the greater, master plan.

First was Chem.  OMG.  Before I even get into the subject matter, I have to point out that the last time I was up and out of the house before 7 a.m., I was getting on a plane to go on vacation.  In fact, my Alpha dog, Riley, was so freaked out to see my dressed and heading out of the door, that she hid behind my husband’s legs.  Anyway, so I take my seat in chemistry.  I looked around the classroom and was happy to see that I was surrounded by other adults.  The first 1/2 of class was great; we reviewed the syllabus, asked questions about expectations and settled in.  The second 1/2 was a bit of a shock.  I sat there, completely dumbfounded.  The professor may as well have been speaking Swahili!    Talk about throwing yourself into the fire.  It didn’t take me to long to realize that I had some major boning up to do if I want to succeed in this class!  It was a perfect case of expectations not even coming CLOSE to reality!

Shell-shocked, I made my way to my math class.  The class is in the computer lab (which barely existed the last time I was in college).  My math professor was extremely kind and understand.  This class is a General Education requirement, so my classmates were significantly younger.  As a matter-of-fact, on my student form, one question asked the last time I took a math course.   Answer?  1990.  I chuckled.  Looking around the room, I’m quite sure only the professor and I were ALIVE the last time I took math.  OH, GOD.  Talk about feeling your age!!!  And then there was the kid giving me “googly eyes”.  I could be his mother!!!

Needless to say, it was an eye-opening experience, and not quite what I expected.  I’m pretty sure it’s going to take me a little while to re-acclimate to my new status as full-time student.  However, since I have to dive right in to Chem 101, while I take Chem II, that learning curve is going to really speed up.  Off to do my homework…

Going back to school is absolutely terrifying.  It has been over 10 years since I’ve been a student, but that’s not really the issue.  The issue is the classes I’m taking!

In an effort is move through the community college part of my quest, I loaded up on classes.  I’m taking College Algebra, Chem 201 and Anatomy and Physiology (A&P).  I was an English major for my first go-round, so this course load is completely new and daunting!

As nervous as I am, I’m also excited.  I took my excitement to the campus book store to get a head start.  I figured I could peruse the textbooks prior to the start of class, just to see what I was in for.  BIG MISTAKE!!!!!!!!

First, my textbooks cost over $600.  Yes, SIX HUNDRED.  I nearly fainted from the shock.  Did I mention this is community college?  The books cost almost the same amount as the courses!

Second, the books weigh about 100 pounds.  I most definitely will not be carting them back and forth to campus.

Last, while flipping through the books, I was overcome with a real sense of dread.  How am I possibly going to master all this material for each class by December?  OMG.  What have I gotten myself into?  Who am I kidding?

When I registered for classes, I picked up a Crash Course for Chemistry book.  I figured I could bone up on some of the terminology and information I learned in the Dark Ages when I took Chem 101.  HAHAHAHA.  Joke’s on me.  The book might as well be writting in Swahili.  For example, “The molecular mass of a compound is the average mass (in u) of a molecule, weighted among the various isotopic form (isotopomers) of the different compound elements (Rosenberg and Epstein, 17).  Um, WHAT????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I AM DOOMED.

It’s bad enough I’m going to be the oldest person in class.  I didn’t think I was going to be the dumbest too.  With that in mind, exactly how am I supposed to feel about re-entering the world of higher education?

Yes, it’s only community college, and I have a previous Master’s Degree.  However, if all my classes use the aforementioned kind of language, I am most definitely SCREWED.  Nice role model for my kiddos!

One thing is absolute.  The night before my first class, and every night before a big test, I will NOT sleep a wink.  The terror is simply compounding.

Wish me luck!