Cranky Jennie ;-p

What kind of woman actively pursues the husband of her friend?  The worst kind of woman.

10 years ago, I befriended this kind of woman, but obviously, I didn’t know what she was at the time.  I found her sense of humor, willingness to try new things, and kindness attractive as a friend.  She made me laugh, unlike any friend I had had before.

Our friendship circled around our daughters who were the same age.  Over time, the friendship deepened and I began inviting her to my house for barbecues, parties, etc.  She met my husband and they too became friends.

During our friendship, she complained about how much her husband worked.  She spent a lot of time alone with her children.  At the time, I didn’t realize that she looked at G as the perfect husband and father.  Well, maybe I did, but it never occurred to me that she would plot and plan to steal my husband.

Last summer, she initiated an argument with me.  In hindsight, I realize now that she was getting me out of the picture so she could pursue G.  In the past, I facilitated their friendship by encouraging them to go on hikes with the kids.  Foolishly, I trusted them both.

With the girls and I out of the picture, I assumed G would stand up for us and end his friendship with her as well.  Why did I expect this?  Because that is what I would have done.  If someone hurts my kids and/or my spouse, I cut them out of my life as well.  Unbeknownst to me, G never did this.  Instead, he met up with her secretly and continued his friendship with her.

Men are stupid.  He didn’t see what she was doing.  Instead, he encouraged it.  She had him just where she wanted him.  She was in full “catch him” mode - funny, affectionate, positive, encouraging.  She became everything and anything he wanted.

Of course, during this time, G claims he was unhappy in our marriage.  It would have helped if he actually talked to ME about it, but he went to her instead.

If he hadn’t been caught, that relationship would still exist.  I can’t say with 100% certainty that he isn’t talking to her anymore.  I don’t know what she told her own husband either.

She is a “trade up” kind of girl.  If she sees and avenue to improve her own life, she will pursue it.  She is selfish beyond all comprehension.  Neither she nor G took into account how their actions would affect those closest to them (spouses and children).  Isn’t that what an affair ultimately is about - your own selfish needs?

What bothers me the most about her is that she claimed I was her friend for all those years.  What kind of woman does this?  The worst kind, in my book.  Why not pursue someone without familial attachments?  Why  not divorce your own husband and then go where “the grass is greener”?

The thought of her makes my skin crawl.  She is the polar opposite of the person I strive to be.  She went to a place (and it took two, so G isn’t off the hook either) that I would never, ever consider.

So, although I don’t hold grudges, I do have to say that I hope she gets what is coming to her.  You reap what you sow.  And I hope her other girl friends start steering clear, if only to protect their marriages and their spouses from her.  She is the scum of the Earth.

What is the point of marriage counseling?  Isn’t it a tool you use when you and your spouse have issues you need to work out?  A counselor is there to listen, then guide you to resolution.

For 5 weeks, I have been listening to G blame me for his affair.  Everything is my fault.  Not only has he brow-beaten me for the last month +, but he accepts absolutely no responsibility for his actions, feelings, or the pain he has caused.

So, again, I ask, What is the point of marriage counseling?

When do I just throw in the towel and say, “F*** this!”?  Do I continue bothering with counseling if there is going to be no resolution?

Another good point:  what kind of apology is, “I’m sorry, but…”?  That’s the apology I have gotten.  If I had done this, or if I had done that, then he wouldn’t have cheated.  REALLY?

Instead, I sit here day after day, getting blamed for crap that I had no hand in.  I was a good wife.  I had a smile on my face when he came home every day.  I listened when he wanted to talk.  I supported him and had his back.  I praised him and told him I loved him every day.

He was not beaten, scolded, put down or any other “negative” thing that goes on in some relationships.  He had a good life here and he threw it all away.  You would think he would have some sense of remorse and/or guilt.  Not G.  Nope.  It’s all my fault.

I don’t want to live like this.  I CHOOSE not to live like this.  Life is too short to put up with some asshole who refuses to acknowledge any and all of the things he did wrong.  He can’t even acknowledge that he hurt the kids.  Honestly, that pisses me off more than the fact that he cheated on me with an ex-friend.

Oh, and did I mention, he DEFENDS her?  Nice, right?

I have the choice to live my life and be happy, don’t I? Since this is no longer a concern for him, why am I with him?  Do you stay because of the kids or do you give yourself the chance to actually find someone who appreciates you?

I. HAVE. HAD. IT!

I believe happiness comes from inside yourself.   Happiness can be a choice.

You can either dwell on what you don’t have or you can focus on all the things you do have.

There are times in our lives when we are met with adversity.  There are times when things are not going well.  Pity parties absolutely do have their place.  Depending on the situation, you are absolutely afforded the right to grieve in your own way and on your own time schedule.

HOWEVER, at some point, enough is enough.  You have to choose to be happy again and focus on the things that are going well.  I know this can be hard.  I’ve had my own “darkest of days”.  Sometimes those days can turn into weeks or even months.  But at some point, you have to put yourself out there again and live life.

You cannot rely completely on another person for your happiness.  If you do, you will be sorely disappointed.  Relying on someone else to give you hope, optimism and joy and you will end up feeling empty and miserable.

I’m not saying that people don’t give each other happiness.  When you do things for someone you love, you can make them happy.  You can be thoughtful, caring and loving.  That creates warmth and happiness in other people.

But at your core, your happiness is all your own.  You have to nurture it in yourself.  If you don’t, you are bound to be unhappy.  So, how do you create your own happiness?  Well, it comes from within.  You have to believe in yourself, in your character, in your kindness and in your worthiness.  What you can’t do is expect someone else to fill in the gaps for you.

I am sure there are hurdles.  Some people are born optimists while others are pessimists.  As an optimist (and certainly, a realist), I can’t comprehend walking around with a negative frame of mind all the time.  For these people, finding happiness is infinitely harder.  But like everything else, you have to be willing to work for it.

I am in a wave of unhappiness these days and it is REALLY uncomfortable.  I crave the light at the end of the tunnel, so I am trying with everything I am to find it again.  That means that every day I get out of bed and put one foot in front of the other.  I, personally, refuse to have a pity party.    I definitely have moments, but at least I am trying.  Happiness is worth it.

It has finally arrived, four weeks after The Bombshell.  I have crashed and burned.  Although this was expected, it still sucks.

How can I not be depressed?  The life I knew is gone.  Shattered through deception and lies.  To make matters worse, my children have lost their sense of security and life as they knew it.  So, my pile of crappola is pretty huge.

The problem is, where do I go from here?  I have tried to extend olive branches, but they have been swiftly and callously dismissed.  So, do I continue trying in this way or do I accept defeat and give up on all hope.

The problem is, every time I see a glimmer of hope, it’s quickly dashed by his anger and defensiveness.

I’m not a quitter and I have two beautiful children who want life back the way it was.  I don’t blame them!  My marriage wasn’t perfect, but I found contentment.  Along the way, apparently, we lost the art of communication.

The loss of communication is absolutely no excuse for an affair.  The affair is another hurdle for me.  Can I forgive him?  Maybe.  But that would take so much work on his part and I’m not sure he is willing to do what is necessary.

Then there’s the whole “divorce” thing hanging in the air.  With divorce comes the frightening idea of dating again.  UGH.

I’m just all over the place and totally miserable.  It’s true that this experience is like grieving the loss of a loved one.  In this case, I am grieving the loss of my former life.

For months, I saw that he was not happy.  I made so many overtures during that time to let him know that he was loved, wanted, needed, etc.  Never, never, never did I really believe he would be capable of cheating.  Maybe I would have been better prepared for this hellish time in my life if I didn’t ignore the signs.

I crave a clear path.  I crave what I believed I had.  I want peace and harmony.  I want my children to feel secure and happy again.  I just don’t know that there is anything else I can do at this point to make that all happen.  So, instead, I just keep putting one foot in front of the other.  But this sucks.