Cranky Jennie ;-p

A few months ago, someone recommended the memoirs of Jen Lancaster.  Oh,my, God, it’s like finding my kindred spirit.

She is loud, raunchy, politically INcorrect and funny as hell.  I am not nearly has funny, but I can relate to her thought process in so many instances.

Her husband, Fletch, even works in IT like G.

The biggest difference is she’s a Midwestern girl.  I never thought Midwesterners had the same kind of obnoxious, blatant and sarcastic sense of humor of we New Yorkers.

****UPDATE**** Just read her website and she is from the NY area originally.  OF COURSE she is!  I should have known!!!!

What a refreshing surprise!

Jen Lancaster is an admitted narcissist forging her way through city life and all its incarnations.  She’s got bad neighbors, ridiculous experiences and foolish moments.  You can’t help but fall in love with her!  She’s not afraid to let her readers get to know her — warts and all.  She freely admits that she’s not perfect.

She makes me feel better about all my instances of “putting my foot in my mouth”.  I don’t feel so alone :)  She becomes an EveryWoman who makes the same missteps and mistakes as the rest of us.  This is the real link for true sisterhood.

Instead of competing with each other (consciously or subconsciously), we should share our trials and tribulations over nods of recognition!  Everything seems better when someone else has done it too!

Lancaster is straight-forward and to the point.  She is just a honest storyteller.  You feel like you’re having a conversation with your girlfriend.  And isn’t that really the best feeling?

Sometimes it’s nice to just curl up with a good book, have a few laughs and feel like you’re not alone.  Lancaster hands that to you in a sarcastic and funny little package.

Check her out at www.jennsylvania.com

I love to read.  I read all sorts of books.  I read Janet Evanovich when I need to laugh out loud.  I read Michael Connolly when I like a good crime novel.  I read David Baldacci when I want some conspiracy.

One of my favorite authors is Dean Koontz.  I am 2/3rds the way through his new novel, Relentless.  I am enjoying this one because it encompasses all the elements I have come to expect from Koontz: philosophy, psychology, politics, and suspense.

My first Koontz novel was Cold Fire.  I remember sitting on the beach, totally engrossed and totally grossed out!  That novel was unlike anything I read before and therefore got me hooked.  Koontz is a master at the gross, weird and supernatural.  In recent years, however, I’ve found him to become much more philosophical.

My favorite novel by Koontz is Dark Rivers of the Heart.  In it, the main character philosophizes on the ripple effect our lives have on each other.  There’s a great soliloquy in there that really spoke about this philosophy and that has stayed with me for years.

The best novels are the ones that let you escape.  Isn’t that why we read to begin with?  We want to imagine ourselves in another time or place.  Authors paint pictures in our imagination.  What an awesome gift.  True, many authors just write to entertain, but I don’t think Koontz is one of those.

Part of admiration for Koontz stems from a feeling of kinship.  I agree with his politics and his philosophy of life.  I love his jokes and share his admiration for our four-legged friends, dogs.  Of course, I do not use words as well as he does, but I find myself nodding my head as I catch yet another jab at our narcissistic, demi-god run government or some new life lesson.

Koontz, I believe, really does believe in the good of man, but is scared about where we are headed.  Any person with common sense should share his belief.  Society is a mess!  No matter what evil a character is battling, good always overcomes.  Koontz is a cautious optimist.

I partically enjoy these little windows into his soul.  He does offer pieces of himself in each of his novels.  I guess that’s true of most authors, but for some reason, his words and beliefs stick with me more than others’.   The added bonus is always a very entertaining read.

He delves into the worst of humanity but balances it out with characters who display the best we have to offer as well.  It’s a good lesson.  If his characters can see the bright side, then so should you!!!

If you haven’t read anything by Dean Koontz, do yourself a favor and pick up his new one.  I don’t think you’ll be disappointed.

A few years ago, while at a friend’s house, I stumbled upon an author I had never heard of before — Janet Evanovich.  The summary on the back of the paperback lured me in.  The first chapter made me an official fan.

If you need a good laugh, pick up one of her Stephanie Plum novels.

If you have no read any of Evanovich’s Plum books, you are missing out on a really good time.  I laugh out loud at Stephanie’s shenanigans.  My friend N and I look forward to every June when the newest installment of the series is released.

So, what’s all the fuss about?

The Stephanie Plum books are just laugh-out-loud funny!  I imagine the author is quite the character herself.  She has assembled a cast of unforgettable characters.  I’ll start from the top.

Stephanie is the heroine.  She is the worst bounty hunter, primarily because she cannot catch her man without getting herself into all sorts of trouble (I can relate to this).  She cannot hold on to a car (they frequently blow up) and she can barely take care of herself.  She is accident prone and frequently finds herself in need of rescuing.

The first of her rescuers is Joe Morelli, the hot bad boy cop who loves her despite herself.  Of course, Morelli is hot and irresistible to Stephanie.  He is the yin to her yang.  You would root for him to win Stephanie’s heart permanently, if it wasn’t for Rescuer #2.

Rescuer #2 is the dark and mysterious Ranger.  Ranger is also a bounty hunter, but he is actually great at his job.  Just when Stephanie thinks she’s doomed, Ranger swoops in and saves the day.  Stephanie flits from Ranger to Morelli and back again (sometimes in the same novel).

The best character for most people is the grandmother, Grandma Mazur.  Grandma Mazur enjoys going to funerals for the socializing and to find out if the corpse “looks good”.  Grandma carries a gun and has mistakenly fired it at the dinner table.  She frequently finds herself in a heap of trouble as well.

The final character of note is Lula, Stephanie’s occasional partner.  Lula is a former prostitute.  She is a large girl who wears clothes 5 sizes too small.  She is trigger happy and usually wants to shoot the “skips” she and Stephanie are after.

The characters are colorful, the shenanigans are hilarious, and the stories fly by so fast, you’re sorry to see them go.  Apparently, movie rights were bought for the series, but it has never been made.  What a shame!

Personally, I have never found anything remotely like these books.  The author has a website: www.evanovich.com.  It’s a fun site.  Check it out!

Right now, I’m reading Plum Spooky, which is a “between-the-numbers” Plum novel.  Thank GOD, Evanovich keeps her fans happy by throwing us a bone every once in awhile.

I don’t know if it’s because the author is a Jersey Girl (very similar to a NY girl) and I just get her sense of humor OR if it’s just a credit to her comedic talent that these books have become immensely popular.  Whatever the case, I highly suggest picking one up (warning, Lula doesn’t show up until later in the series).  The first is called One For the Money.  I hope you enjoy it!   Laugh on!!!!

After reading the first installment of the Twilight series, I think I know what inspires women of all ages to read the books: romance.  Remember romance?  For those of you who remain unmarried, you may still experience romance.  However, the term “romance” changes once you get married.

Back in The Good Old Days when I was one of the Fish in the Sea, romance meant candlelit dinners, long strolls on the beach, flowers or some other thoughtful gesture.  I remember being SO EXCITED that HE was coming over and that we were going to spend time together.  Who doesn’t love the undying (ha, ha) devotion, the unwavering attention and the little tokens of affection?

The beauty of Twilight is that you can follow the path of Bella and Edward as they fall in love.  You can imagine yourself going through that again - the first tentative touch, the longing, the butterflies, the gentle kiss…aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…

Then reality SMACKS you in the face as if you’ve run, head first, into a brick wall!!!  UGH!

What happens to romance when you find your Prince Charming?  For some of you, it has disappeared forever.  For others, those whom I think are more “creative” with their definitions, romance changes, but the sentiment is still there.

Before children, romance is HIM cooking dinner when you get home from work.  It’s HIM taking your car for an oil change.  It’s him remembering birthdays and anniversaries or the first time you kissed.  It’s attention via action.

Adding children to the mix just means he can show his romantic side in even MORE ways!!  (Being optimistic is a major help when recognizing romance).  Once you’re a mother, you’ll take romance wherever you can get it!  So, romance becomes picking up his dirty underwear, changing diapers, getting up with the baby in the middle of the night, sending you off on a spa day, etc.

See, it’s not romance that’s dead, it’s your imagination!!!

Though, as Edward breathes in Bella’s scent by nestling himself in her neck, remember those days, but be grateful if the father of your children is romantic in “other” ways