Cranky Jennie ;-p

Since I’m on this kick against my ex-friend, I thought I would write about something that created a chasm between us: children.  She has none and I have two.  She only has to think about herself.  I have others to consider.

Parenting is a roller coaster ride.  I believe the grandmother in the movie “Parenthood” compared living your life to either a roller coaster or a merry-go-round.  My ex-friend is on a merry-go-round.  Day in and day out, she primarily deals with herself — her issues, her concerns, her unhappiness, etc.  Parenting, on the other hand, brings new things to your life every day.

Our own parents lied to us when we were kids.  It was a sin of omission.  They never let on as to how difficult parenting can be.  If they had, why would anyone choose this scary, exhilirating adventure?!  Children can add a ray of sunshine to your life and in the same hour, create a hurricane that can affect your life for weeks to come.  They’re Mother Nature on acid.

The lucky and/or good parents are the ones who not only survive this path, but find much more joy from it than anguish.

Parenting (hopefully) begins with an amazing start.  Out comes this beautiful, perfect little being that YOU created.  How incredibly AWESOME are you?  Look what YOU did!  At least, this is how G and I felt each time I delivered.  For weeks and months after, you remain in awe of this incredible being.  Of course your life has changed already.  You are seeing things through their eyes.  You’re exhausted and cranky, worried and careful, amazed and astounded.  You are enraptured with the life of another human being.  It’s not the same as when you met your mate.  That person is grown up and rounded out.  A baby is a clean slate (I don’t want to get into the nature vs. nurture debate here).  You are responsible for this fragile life.  What awesome responsibility!  It’s unlike anything else.

You rush them through their milestones, cheering them along the way.  Then their personalities emerge.  Here’s where the fun begins!!  All those not-so-pleasant traits in your own personality?  There they are, in living Technicolor!  You get whiplash just trying to keep up with them.  Again, the focus remains on them and not you.  Is there anything that commands your attention as much as a young child?  Yes, you have other concerns and worries, but none quite as taxing, physically, emotionally and mentally as with raising a child.

You scold them when they’re naughty.  You praise them when they do something well.  You cheer them at games, recitals, etc.  You are their greatest champion and perhaps their harshest critic.  Most of all, you are focused on THEM, pretty much ALL THE TIME.

Which brings me back to my point.  If you have lived alone, have not had a successful long-term relationship and/or commitment with another human being, and don’t even have a pet to care for, where does your focus lie (or lay, I never can remember)?  On you.  And, no offense, but YOU are not that interesting.  You may have focused on school or your career.  You may have chosen another path, but children make you really put yourself aside.

I think THAT is one of the greatest gifts they give us.

(I could go on and on about this subject, but I think I’ve gotten the gist of what I wanted to say in, so I’ll leave it at that).

My 6 year old has been hideously nasty to everyone in our house for the last two weeks.  This morning, I typed an email to her teacher to see if something was going on at school and if she was behaving as awfully there.  It turns out that she’s having a rough time there too lately.

So, I sat her down this afternoon and asked her what was making her angry and sad.  She said that her best friend doesn’t want to play with her as much and has been mean to her.  UGH.  As a mother, I know she has to learn how to deal with these things on her own, but I really want to go kick some booty!

I find it quite ironic that she’s having girl friend trouble right on the heels of my “breakup” with my oldest friend.  Since I’m in my mid-30s, I like to think that I am more mature and can weather this kind of storm more effectively than my daughter can.  Experience has taught me a universal truth: girls SUCK.

I refrain from including myself in this list because I have convinced myself that I rise above the petty, bitchy behavior inherent to my gender.

Of course, that last email I sent to my now EX-friend was pretty mean.  Well, she hurt me, so she deserved it!

Anyway, so back to why girls suck.  Girls suck because we put on masks and pretend to be things we’re not.  We suck because rather than tell someone they’re an ass, we’ll talk behind their back, spread gossip, and say mean things about them, then turn around and pretend we’re innocent.  Girls are in constant competition.  Boys cannot be bothered with such b.s.  Yes, boys are competitive, but they kick your butt, boast about it, and then let it go!  We talk about so-and-so and whatever drama may have recently occurred until we are blue in the face.  And believe me, this takes awhile!  We will tell ANYONE who will listen how we have been wronged.

Didn’t I just do that on this blog this week?

Apparently, we start REALLY young.  The beauty of growing older is that we tend to forget the childhood nonsense and remember our days as kids as wonderful, amazing, and friend-drama free.  HA!  We just “up” the game as we get older.  I much prefer the boy approach, which goes something like this:

A: “Dude, you’re an Asshole”.

B: “Oh, f.u.”

A: “Wanna go grab a beer now?”

B: “Sure.  You’re buying b/c you called me an asshole.”

See how much faster and easier that goes?  B isn’t crying, calling up his other friends to complain, talking to strangers about it or filing it away so he can use it against A at a later date.  It’s over.  That’s it.  WAAAAYYYYYY more efficient!

So, I told my daughter to tell her BFF, “You’re being mean, so I’m not playing with you,” and to go off and play with someone who is being nice to her.  Her BFF will come back and they will play again as if nothing happened.  It’s an age-old tradition!

When she’s a little older, I’ll teach her the boy way of doing things, so she doesn’t keep it all in and then share it with those of us with whom she lives :)  My house is a Drama-Free Zone…at least in MY head!

Recently, I engaged in a debate with an old friend’s acquaintance concerning the War in Iraq.  He berated me and knocked me down verbally throughout the debate, spewing facts from supposed reliably un-biased sites.  I conceded that this war began on auspicious footing.  Former President Bush utilized information provided to him from intelligence sources, among others.  The reasons for going to war were numerous.  We wanted Saddam Hussein out of power.  We needed to show the world we were still powerful, despite the events of 9/11.

You and I know that we are only given so much information.  There are all sorts of deals made behind closed doors.  We are also only shown, through most media outlets, what the networks think is newsworthy.  News is no longer unbiased.

On that premise, have you noticed how we don’t hear about the War in Iraq much anymore?  This was a war that had almost universal support when it began.  When it emerged that our initial attacks were not well-planned, nor well-executed, support for the war waned.  No one likes to lose!

Then the Surge began.  Now, Iraqi has held elections, learned to compromise among its many factions, refugees are returning to their homes, Iraqi police are securing provinces, and we’ve captured much of al-Qaeda’s leaders.  These are good things.  There seems to have been (knock on wood) a positive turn around in a volatile country.

Do we belong there?  Probably not.  At this point, however, it’s useless to argue against.  Since we ARE there, we need to support our troops and our leaders.  We need to hold onto hope that the Iraqi people will be better off (in their opinion).  War is dirty and violent.  Innocent people die.  Many of them have died from the actions of insurgents and IEDs.  Considering that the Iraqis voted to keep our troops there, we must be doing something right.

What bothered me, mostly, during the argument, was his insistence that Bush is the Devil Incarnate and is to blame for everything, including the economy (which is actually a Clinton, Fannie Mae/Freddie Mac caused debacle). How can I respect someone who rifles through information and uses only those facts that support his biased argument?  When I pointed out the elections, new schools, new government, etc., I was quickly and viciously dismissed.

I attempted to bow out of the discussion numerous times in a diplomatic manner (not easy for me).  I even emailed my “friend” and told her that I did not want to continue discussing something with her “friends” when the parameters of common decency and respect were being ignored.

Look, Iam not Bush’s greatest fan.  He’s made many mistakes and is surely not the brightest leader we’ve ever had.  However, he had the conviction to do what he believed was right.  He followed the recommendations of his cabinet.  He made tough decisions, whether they were popular or not.  That takes some royal cajones.  I respect him for his personal integrity.  Of note, Congress’s approval rating is lower than his.  That says something, no?

I have an open mind and will listen to rational, considerate, respectful people, even if they disagree with me.  I will bite the hook when baited, especially when they throw me up against a wall.  I love a good, healthy debate.  What I don’t like is having someone get nasty with me and have my good friend leave me hanging out to dry.   Instead, said friend stood by her ideological soul mate and ended a friendship that lasted from childhood into adulthood.  Nice.

When is the government going to stop handing out money it does not have to “fix” the economy.  Admittedly, I am not an expert in economics, but I do have common sense.  The first stimulus package of $350 billion went out and did basically nothing to help the economy.  There were no stipulations or parameters set to hold the banks and/or mortgage companies accountable.

What happened to the stigma associated with financial failure?  Back in the day, if your business was “in the red” you either filed for Chapter 11 or you folded.  Now, the government is stepping in to “save” you.  On a personal level, if you overspent and couldn’t pay your bills, you filed for bankruptcy and it took you seven years to get that off your record.  It hurt your chances of getting credit cards or any kind of loan.  Not anymore!

And THIS is where the issues with our economy come into play.  It’s not former President Bush’s fault that loans were given to people who should never have qualified in the first place.  It’s not Bush’s fault that the banks and mortgage lenders got greedy.  It’s not Bush’s fault that home buyers were not educated on what would happen when their rates increased.

Since when is a person GUARANTEED a home? A boat?  A fancy car?  What happened to working for it?  This is the crux of the issue.  The people being punished now are those, like me, who pay their bills on time and who only buy what they can afford.  Where is the pride in accomplishment when your neighbor overbought and overspent while living the “high life” and now is being rescued by Congress?

I say, let them fail!  Let’s rebuild.  Return to what worked!  The American Dream is lost in getting the latest, greatest thing.  It’s pathetic!  Our forefathers would be rolling in their graves.

What amazes me more than anything, really, is that all these genius economists and “experts” have no common sense.  These stimulus packages seem more like Hail Marys that are bound to fail.  Why are we, as a nation, digging deeper holes?  There has to come a point where you’ve dug so deep that there’s no way to get out of it!

How do we teach our children about accountability when our government’s actions argue against it?  In school, if you didn’t study for a test, you got a bad grade.  Who’s fault was that?  Did the teacher tell you that you could take the test again after you studied?  NO!  There are no second chances.  You make a mistake, you pay the consequences and hopefully, you learn to not make the same mistake again.

It’s just so completely frustrating to sit back and watch all this happen.  Look, I’m not saying that everyone is guilty of the frivolous spending of which I speak.  There are good people out there who have been hit hard by this crisis because they lost their job, they had to relocate and couldn’t sell their house, someone fell ill, etc.  Those things happen.  Bad things happen to good people all the time.  What I AM complaining about is the overall, general STUPIDITY  and GREED of the banks, mortgages lenders and now Congress, who are completely ignoring the root cause!

Giving everyone a chance to buy a home DID NOT WORK.  If you’re going to lend out that kind of money, make sure there are guidelines and parameters that ensure this kind of financial tsunami doesn’t happen again.