Cranky Jennie ;-p

I never felt that I had the ambition to become anything professionally.  Sure, I went to college and earned my degree, but I took the easy path.  I chose a major I knew I could do well in: English. So, undergrad was not difficult.  It accomplished what I wanted it to accomplish - earn a degree and have a great time doing it!

When I was a child, I went to school in the New York City public school system.  I strongly feel that I received a great education.  It helped that I was in gifted classes.  I wasn’t at the top of those classes, but I wasn’t at the bottom either.  I guess if I had some ambition, I could have ventured closer to the top, but school was for my social well-being, not my academic one.  I liked school because I could see my friends and play on the playground.  Plus, my brother was the academic one.  I was the athlete.

I grew up believing that everyone else learned as quickly or as easily as I did.  If I wasn’t interested in a subject, I just shut myself off and did the absolute minimum necessary to get the grade my parents expected of me.  I didn’t think I was bright or even remotely intelligent, nor did I really care.

Then I started working in the real world.  I was a glorified secretary for an advertising company for a year following college.  I learned how to fix a mangled budget, but received no credit.  I learned that advertising was a dog-eat-dog industry that I didn’t really like.  I’m not big on stabbing people in the back and taking credit for work I didn’t do.

So, I took the summer off and worked as a temp.  At least I didn’t spend three hours a day traveling anymore!  I decided I liked having the summer off, so I went back to school to earn my Master’s Degree in Education.  It was during this new adventure in schooling that I realized I had a real, functional brain.  Imagine that!  It only took me 25 years to get to that point.

I spent three years teaching.  I loved, loved, loved the kids, the subject and even the paperwork. I did NOT like the lack of control, lack of respect and pitiful pay.  Luckily, I got pregnant!!!

So, for the last eight years, I have been a stay-at-home mom.  I refuse to downplay the importance of this job.  I think my children are secure in my love for them because I’ve spent so much time and effort with them.  I realize I am fortunate to have been able to afford this path.  When the girls were babies and toddlers, they kept me so busy, I rarely had time to think.  But as they’ve gotten older and I’ve had more “me” time, I’ve lost my way.

I told my daughter, “Your brain is a muscle and if you don’t use it, it atrophies”.  I’m afraid I’m on the path to atrophy!!!

I’ve bounced so many different career path ideas through my head, but I’ve always had a hard time settling on something.  I have the support system to attempt anything.  I have people who believe I am capable of learning anything (including law and/or medicine).  I’m just not as confident or sure as they are!

When presented with three ideas: court reporter, physician’s assistant or a Master’s Degree in English Literature, my expert panel (Mom, Dad, G) decided on the hardest course.  They believe I can do it.  Now it’s up to me to either go for it or decide they’re wrong.

If I take some prerequisite courses and do well, maybe I’ll finally find that ambition to become something more than I ever imagined.

This post is dedicated to my former college roommate, Kristin, who lost her battle with leukemia today.  She was 36 years old.

I am filled with sadness for her family.  There is never a good time to say good-bye to a daughter or a sister.  It doesn’t matter how old or young she is.  Death this early is a life cut short; where there is so much living to still be done.

The greatest lesson, in my opinion, is to be grateful for all the blessings and good things in your life while you can.  You have to appreciate what you have and hold it close.  You never know what Fate has lurking in the background for you or someone you love.

So, today, I’m not Cranky Jennie, I’m Sad Jennie.  May her family find peace in the end of Kristin’s suffering.  May they find the strength to carry on and honor her memory.

Hug the ones you love and let them know how much you love them

I do not believe in co-sleeping.  You know, the practice of allowing your children, from infancy on up, to sleep in bed with the parents.

Let me begin this way: I LOVE my sleep.  If you ask my children what my favorite past time is, they will say napping.  I love napping.  Napping is a lost art.  The Spanish have it right when they take a “siesta” in the afternoon.  Anyway, as my husband learned early on, Jennie needs her nap or Jennie becomes very, very cranky.  When you add in the fatigue of my autoimmune disease, napping becomes a necessity.  It’s part of my daily schedule, unless I have too much to do and then I get resentful.

When each of my daughters were babies, we did the obligatory crib in the bedroom.  Like probably ever other new parent out there, we wanted our baby as close to us as possible all day long.  We quickly learned, however, that this is not conducive to good sleep.  Every turn, peep, or rustle woke us up.  Is she o.k.?  Is she breathing?  Whew!  Seemingly, as soon as I fell back asleep, BOOM, I was awakened.  So, when my husband suggested putting the baby in her nursery at the two month mark, I debated it for about three seconds.  You know what?  It WORKED!  Both of my girls slept through the night at two months.  Why did it work?  Because their paranoid mother did not go rushing in every five minutes, every time the baby moved or made a sound.  Hallelujah!  We got some sleep.

Fast forward a few years…

Every once in a while, one of my girls has a bad dream and wants to sleep with Mommy and Daddy.  They have been trained to crawl in with Daddy.  This may sound cold, but see paragraph #2.  In addition to my pathological need for sleep, I have quirks.  I do not cuddle in bed.  There is an imaginary line that G is not allowed to cross.  I have MY blankie, which I do not share.  These parameters set, I have to explain the sleeping styles of each child.

R is a mover.  She is also a grinder of teeth.  So, when she’s not kicking you, climbing over you or sticking her feet in your face, she sounds like a freight train.  This is very disruptive to any normal person’s sleep patterns.  So, R, I love you, but go away!

S is a heat-seeking missile.  If G is out of town and S comes in my bed, I put her in the furthest corner from me.  Within five minutes, and while she’s fast asleep, she has me pinned to the corner of the bed, arms and legs casually thrown over me.  If I move, she finds me again.  It’s an amazing talent.  It also means that once she goes to school, I am going to take a marathon nap.  So, S, I love you, but go away!

There are other practicalities involved than my selfish, pathetic sleep habits and needs.  When the girls were babies, I was too scared that I would roll over and smother them while they slept.  There’s also that other little thing called sex.  How’s that happening with a kid or two between you?

Don’t get me wrong, there are times when I sleep with one or both of them.  I just refuse to make a habit of it.  In this politically correct society, I won’t even say I understand why people do it.  Do they not get enough interaction with their kids when they’re awake?  When it’s time for the girls to go to bed, G and I are ready for our time with them to end for the day.  In addition, we have four dogs who sleep in our room as it is.  We have enough company!

I should mention that they (the dogs) are ALSO trained to wake G up!  There’s always a method to my madness.

Apparently, I am a terrorist.

According to findings by the Missouri Information Analysis Center (MIAC), which was created by the Department of Homeland Security, I am at high risk of becoming a domestic terrorists because of my beliefs.

You, apparently, may be a terrorist too.  If you want to check, click here:

http://www.naplesnews.com/blogs/observation_post/2009/mar/22/terroristdefentry/

The DHC, in its infinite wisdom, has established fusion centers, like MIAC, across the country to help identify those people who are likely security risks to our great nation.

This story was picked up by the Associated Press.  Here’s a link to the article I am referencing:

http://www.foxnews.com/politics/first100days/2009/03/23/fusion-centers-expand-criteria-identify-militia-members/

Back in the days when I was a student, I took many history classes.  I loved to learn about history.  The importance of learning history was always clear — to learn from our past mistakes.  I remember sitting in a classroom, completely outraged as I learned about Joseph McCarthy and his blacklists.  The blacklists were compiled under the guise of national security.

Sound familiar?

Countless men and women were labeled “Red” or “Communists”.  They lost their credibility, their reputations, their jobs, etc.

According to DHS head, Janet Napolitano (my ex-governor), 9/11 changed the way we look at national security.  Kind of like the Red Menace struck fear in the hearts and minds of 1950s Americans?

Hmmm…do you see my point?  We are repeating the same mistakes!

Forget the history lesson!  How about the protection we’re afforded under the First Amendment?  How about our civil rights?  We should all be outraged!  Why are we, as a nation, become so apathetic?

Fusion groups are supposed to identify individuals most likely to form a militia, who, in turn, would rise against tyranny.  Oops, I mean our federal government.  Our current social and economic weaknesses are, according to MIAC, a breeding ground for the formation of militia groups.

The more the government tries to control our lives, the more we SHOULD rebel.  Men and women have died to provide and protect our freedoms as individuals.  Our Founding Fathers are probably rolling over in their graves.  Remember “Taxation without Representation”?  Well, now we’re being represented by a huge group of fearmongers and other governmental officials who think that controlling the individual will keep this nation safe.

Oh, and don’t forget, it’s illegal to racially profile.  I remember being stopped for a security check at an airport when I was seven months pregnant with my second child.  I mean, REALLY!  It’s ridiculous.  I’m carrying life and I get picked as someone who might blow up a plane?  Last time I checked, Al-Queda and the 9/11 terrorists were Arab.  I know that’s not a politcally correct thing to say, but it is true.

Back to MIAC.  They have been given carte blanche in identifying potential risks.  What happened to using some common frigging sense?!!!!!

Be careful what you say, what you read, what you oppose and whom you endorse.  You may just end up blacklisted.

If you want to read more, check out the ACLU’s article:

http://www.aclu.org/privacy/gen/32966pub20071205.html