Cranky Jennie ;-p

I have always been an extrovert.  The joke in my family is that I would talk to the wall if I thought it would listen.  I will literally talk to anyone.

My husband appreciates this because we can go to an event where I don’t know anyone and he doesn’t worry about me.

Part of my outgoing-ness is nervous energy.  I get hyperactive.  I never shut up.  Because of this, I have put my foot in my mouth more than once.

On the flip side, I’ve never understood people who are introverted.  I married an introvert.  G and I have had many conversations about this.  He just doesn’t feel comfortable in large groups or with new people.

As I’ve gotten older, I’m starting to realize the benefit of being shy.  G has a very select group of friends with whom he has developed a strong relationship.  I have a ton of acquaintances, but no one, besides G and my mom, who really know who I am and what makes me tick.  For all my effort, I don’t have that girlfriend you can call up and bitch about your husband too.

So, I wonder, what’s the point of talking to the wall if you get nothing in return?

Human relationships are vital to our well-being.

This entire post is a reaction to watching the movie “Up in the Air”.  No man is an island.  We need and crave interaction with others.  Introverts, I guess just need it less.  Or perhaps they just need it with fewer people.

As an extrovert, I hate being alone.  Having G sit on the couch near me is enough to keep me happy.  Right now, I spend a lot of time alone and I hate it. Yes, I have school, but that’s not interaction because I have to sit and listen to the teacher.  I do have lovely conversations with the dogs.  Just kidding.

I’m tired of making the effort.  I know I have to lower my expectations.  I have always known that.  I just can’t seem to do it.  Maybe I’m looking in the wrong place.  I don’t know.

For now, I guess I’ll have to make the wall my new BFF.

Tonight is President Obama’s State of the Union address.  For the last week or so, the radio stations I listen to have been discussing what he would focus his address on, since Scott Brown’s Senate win in Massachusetts all but derailed the health care debate.

Lo and behold, President Obama is finally going to address the unemployment rate and how the federal government hopes to help small businesses.  Where was this talk a year ago?!!!

Small business has always driven the economy in this country.  Where I live, it’s hard to find mom-and-pop shops because they have been driven out by big business.  It’s more economical to join in on a franchise than it is to start something on your own.  I think that is very sad.

As for unemployment, we’re still hovering around 10%?  While Obama and friends were busy spending tax money to save big auto makers and banks, people were losing jobs, their homes and their savings.  The actions of our executive and legislative branches just prove how disconnected they are from the rest of us.

So, now that health care is in the toilet (at least for now), those giant heads who run our government have decided to listen to the people. Gee, I wonder what motivates them?  Could it be they’re afraid they’re going to lose their seats (a.k.a. their power) because of their actions in 2009?

My favorite tidbit I heard today was word from the White House that President Obama wants to help the middle class.  Meanwhile, in the same breath, the reporter said word from Congress is that health care is being put on the back burner so they can figure out how to boost the economy.  Oh, did I mention the reporter also implied that each branch is blaming the other for getting “off course”?

Figures.  Back-stabbing, manipulation and lies.  Welcome to the American Political System.

I don’t know if it has always been this way, but politics in America is a tragic window into the corrupt soul of our society.  So much for public service!

Despite what our critics say, the United States is the most generous nation on Earth.

No other nation comes close when it comes to humanitarian efforts.  Who was first on the scene in Haiti? Who donated millions upon millions of dollars (during a recession, I might add) to the relief effort?

The American people are generous.  Who can argue against that?  Our hearts are broken for the Haitian people.  We have sent military support, financial aid, medical supplies and experts (doctors/nurses) to help that poor, devastated country.

Then Hugo Chavez and the stupid French claim we’re occupying Haiti to take it over.  Can’t we do anything without a motive?  Granted, there are times when we have done things under the guise of helping, but in this case I think the accusations are totally unwarranted.

People can be surprising.

Our nation is ridiculed as a materialistic, selfish society, but then some tragic event occurs and my faith in humanity is restored!

No other nation responds like we do.  Yes, Canada, the UK , Australia and some other nations have ponied up, but not in force like we do.  Although, I have to admit that we are an incredibly wealthy nation (in comparison to much of the rest of the world), so percentage-wise it may be close.

All I am really saying is that the U.S. is often looked upon in a negative light, yet we really do step up to the plate when it really matters.  I think that says a lot about the character of the people in our country.  Our government, in my opinion, may be corrupt and disastrous, but the people still have a strong heart.

Maybe our leaders should listen to us a little more!!!!

It is so much better to send aid and money to those in desperation, rather than funding corporations who have been notoriously frivolous with their practices.  Greed is not good, but helping others always is.

So, if anyone bad-mouths the U.S. to you, remind them that we are the greatest humanitarians on the planet.  And THAT is something to be proud of.

A few years ago, when I was still a smoker, I was able to read through a 500 page novel quickly.  Without the cigarettes, my reading speed has slowed down dramatically.

That said, I am still reading Term Limits by Vince Flynn.  Yet again, a passage caught my eye.  When describing the character traits of a commando, Flynn writes,

“He is a man who on the surface seems hard, callous and emotionally indifferent.  In truth, he is an extremely emotional and compassionate person.  He is often obsessed with winning.  He hates to lose, but is rarely willing to cheat or lie to win.  He holds himself to a very high standard of honor and integrity and despises people who lie and lack character…”

There is a lot more to this passage, but you get the idea.  This passage spoke to me because in a lot of ways it describes who I am.

I have been accused of having a temper.  In typical “me” fashion, I have evaluated and re-evaluated this claim to see if it really was true.  The fact is, very few things really piss me off.   My triggers usually have everything to do with honor, integrity or character.

I don’t cheat.  I never have.  It’s not worth it to me to win if I have to take shortcuts of any kind to get that result.  I want my win to be deserved and fought for.

I don’t lie.  First and foremost, I SUCK at lying.  Even if I try to pass off a fib, I feel guilty about it and then confess anyway.  Again, what’s the point.

When I was 14, I had been best friends with S for eight years.  It was, in my opinion, a very one-sided friendship.  S did whatever she wanted to do without regard to how it made me feel.  One night, I invited our mutual group of friends over to my house.  S called a few people and invited them somewhere else first, without letting me know.  So, as I sat home waiting and waiting and waiting for everyone to show up (over an hour late with no phone call), I festered and got to my boiling point.  Eight years of frustration and anger came out that night.  When she did show up at my house, I smacked her in the face and I threatened her.

Have you ever felt that angry?  The flare of my temper in that situation was directly related to years of putting up with her selfishness - a character flaw I have been programmed to despise.  My mother never got more mad at my brother and I than when we did something selfish.

A few years ago, I was on the PTO board at my daughters’ school.  I worked with two women who lied, manipulated and spread rumors.  Needless to say, by the end of the year, I had had it.  Again, my temper got the best of me and I let them have it.  I still harbor immense dislike for those women.  I just don’t understand how you can live with yourself when you operate that way.

My temper scares me.   I now know what triggers it.  It would probably be easier if I just dealt with things immediately, rather than let them fester.  The problem is, I typically allow small slights to pass without incident, until another event brings them up again and I get mad.

Like a commando, I believe there are good people and bad people.  I wish the bad people would just disappear.  Unfortunately, we all encounter liars and cheats on a daily basis.  It’s easy to join their ranks.

I just can’t.  I have to be able to look myself in the mirror.  Instead, maybe I should just lower the bar and expect the worst rather than hope for the best.

But really, is that any way to live?