Cranky Jennie ;-p

Nothing drives me more crazy than people who don’t realize what they have.  These are people who whine and complain about everything, all while they have it all.

“All” in my book is a happy, healthy family, money to pay the bills, a roof over your head, food on your table and clothes on your back. Yes, these are pretty basic needs.  So, if you have them, what the hell do you have to complain about?

We all have specific wants and needs.  Sometimes they’re met, sometimes they’re not.  You can’t rely on another person to give you everything you need.  You have to figure out what is “enough” to make you happy most of the time.

Isn’t that all we can really ask for?

It’s not funny, but I have to admit that the experts have it right:  You can’t be happy in a relationship if you’re not happy with yourself.  If you have wants and needs, you have to COMMUNICATE them.

We all express ourselves differently.  Honesty has to come into play if you really want to get what you need.  If you don’t communicate, don’t express , then don’t complain!

Look around you.  See what you have.  Count your blessings.

There are so many people around who DON’T have their basic needs met.  They live in unhappy homes, struggle to pay bills or don’t know love from anyone.  THEY have a right to complain.

Life is a struggle to find our own person nirvana.  What that means is being thankful for what you do have and working towards what you don’t.

I look at my children every day, in the complete chaos that is my life and am so grateful to be their mother.  I feel truly blessed and I refuse to complain about what I have.  I feel like I am one of the lucky ones.

KNOCK ON WOOD!

All around me, I see marriages crumbling.  Is this just the time?  Kids are in school, parents are working, marriage goes in the toilet?

I remember the day I got married, 12 years ago (this Sunday is my anniversary).  I was filled with love and hope.  I was excited to start my life with this man that I loved and adored.  I felt blessed that I was so lucky to have found such a kind, loving man to be my husband.

In our first year, we moved to a new state, found new jobs and adopted two dogs.  It was a year of massive change, but it was all so exciting!  We were young, healthy and totally in love.  The future was before us.

Before too long, we added children to the mix.  Things change when you have children.  They want/need you all the time.  I think women make this adjustment better.  We are more realistic as to what parenting will entail.  This doesn’t mean mothers are better parents.  I’m just saying it’s more natural for us to give up everything and dote on the baby.

Some men never get over being “left”.  Most seem to acclimate well.  G was a natural at parenting.  He immediately adored his girls.  He couldn’t wait to come home from work and be with them.

I was lucky.  He adjusted well.  His expectations seemed to match mine (at least for the most part).

So, where does it go wrong.  Why are so many couples divorcing?  How do their paths diverge so completely?  Does one person grow and the other stagnates?  Does one change and not tell the other?  Does communication cease?  Why do some spouses end up despising each other?

I’m a “find the silver-lining” type of person.  I believe if everyone in your house is loved, cared for, healthy and happy, that is enough.  I know marriage gets boring.  I’ve certainly experienced that.  Children definitely “stir the pot” and can be thoroughly exhausting at times.

I guess it comes down to needs and expectations.  If you don’t talk things out, how do you know what the other person wants or expects?  Silence doesn’t work.  Passive-aggressive behavior doesn’t work.  In fact, I think that kind of “inaction” makes things infinitely worse.

There are absolutely reasons that qualify for quick divorce: infidelity and violence, among others.  I think what people forget is that at one point, you actually LIKED each other!

I suppose it boils down to the old adage about love and hate being a fine line.  Whatever the cause, divorce seems to be such a sad result when you look back on the blissfulness of your wedding day.

I live with Whiney, Grumpy and Grimace.  Honestly, how hard is it to put a smile on your face and just have fun?

Apparently, in my house, it’s impossible.

Whiney likes to complain about everything.  “I’m tired”.  “I’m hungry”.  “I’m bored”.  Take a nap.  Eat something.  And use your imagination!  Since when have I become a sounding board to listen to bitching and moaning?  It’s constant and it drives me crazy.

Grumpy is a whole other story.  She’s so moody, you don’t know whether you’re coming or going.  In the last week, it’s been “I’m adopted.  Why do I have to have a sister?  You don’t love me…”.  She also enjoys partaking in the cacophony of whining, like her sister.  On top of it all, she’s her own worst enemy.  She wants to do something and when you bring her somewhere, she refuses to try anything new even if there’s the slightest possibility it will be fun.

Then there’s Grimace.  He’s the one with a puss on his face all the time.  He barely speaks and avoids the rest of the crew like the plague (not that I blame him).

I have wasted my life.  I spend the majority of time with a smile on my face.  Why did I get to live with such downers?   Yes, I realize the hypocrisy of this statement since I’m complaining right now.  However, don’t you get to a point where you just want to stay away from all this negativity?

I’m so sick of hearing “I want” or “I need” all the time. SHUT UP!  I want and need peace and quiet!  I’m tired of doing everything in my power to make them all happy, yet failing miserably all the time.

Today we went to a water park.  I LOVE water parks.  I like the rides, the wave pool, the lazy river…all of it.  On the first ride, Grumpy started crying because she didn’t want to do it.  Whiney then complained on another ride because the float flipped over.  And Grimace, well, how the hell would I know if he was having any fun when all he did was stare into space.

I look forward to socializing with other people because at least they’re fun.  I’ve had it.  I’m going on Happy Strike.  They better stay away from me!!!!

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.

Is it me?  Am I the only adult I know who is consistently plagued by self-doubt?  Or is it just a cycle in my life I am just going through?

I want to be one of those people who doesn’t give a shit what anyone else thinks.  I want to be able to do what I want, when I want and say whatever comes to mind with no concern over how it will be received or perceived.

My mother is like that.  So is my brother, and come to think of it, my father too.  So, how did I miss out on that gene?  Is it a confidence thing?  Or is it deep-rooted in some childhood trauma I have suppressed?

Nah.  I had a pretty awesome childhood.

Instead, I think it’s just something in me.  Yes, I typically do have an opinion on matters, but the problem is I go over these things a million times and typically feel bad about what I said or did.

Pathetic.  I’m in my late 30s and still second guessing myself!!

My aunt used to tell me I was “too sensitive”.  Maybe she was right.   Or perhaps I just learned the “put yourself in someone else’s shoes” lesson too well.

I’ve gone through periods in my life where I felt on top of the world.  I felt I could do anything.  I KNEW I was smart, cute and funny.  That didn’t last very long!

So, the question remains: how do you become that person who just doesn’t care?  It’s it a facade people put on to circumvent life?

This is not a woe-is-me tale.  I hardly play the victim.  I honestly want to know what I can do to change my inner being.  I certainly have experienced love and loss (friends, family, boyfriends, etc.).  I’m a normal (don’t laugh, my brother) person.  I try to be polite and kind to people.

Perhaps I just misunderstand the motivations of others.  Perhaps I want to believe that other people are good and kind and that trips me up.  Perhaps I am ruled by perpetual disappointment in other human beings.

So, how do I turn that off?  Do I lower expectations?  I don’t know that I can.  I am an eternal optimist.  I truly want to believe in the goodness of people.  Maybe that’s where I have erred.

Everyone comes with baggage of some sort.  Maybe I need to focus less on the outside world and concentrate on those I can rely on.  Those who restore my faith in humanity.

Otherwise, I’m just going to have to learn to lower my Utopian mindset so I can not give a shit!