Cranky Jennie ;-p

There are many forms of cheating.  The two most common are sexual and/or emotional cheating.

I have always contended that if you feel the need to cheat while you are in a marriage, then there is something fundamentally wrong with the marriage.

I think women adjust to marriage and parenthood better than men.  Women tend to accept that they will become the least important person in a family when raising children.  The needs of the children come first.  Of course, with women’s lib, this philosophy may sound very much out-dated.

For me, selfishness has no place in a marriage.  Marriage is about loyalty, love and trust.

When one spouse goes outside the marriage, they are not only being selfish, they are also betraying the very core of the marriage.

How the betrayed spouse reacts to this is entirely up to them.  If there are children, that just makes the entire situation that much more complicated.  Children love their parents.  The younger they are, the more difficult it is for them to understand the ins and outs of the marital relationship.

The last thing either spouse should do is badmouth the other.  This is obviously very difficult to do.

The emotions for the scorned spouse run the gamut.  Anger, rage, hurt, sadness, depression, guilt, and overall grief persevere.  It’s like bipolar disorder on acid.  The wrongdoer cannot even remotely relate to this pain and suffering.

I contend that there is no greater way to inflict pain on your spouse (outside of abuse, obviously) than to step outside of the marriage physically, emotionally or psychologically.

Is there a way to recover?

Yes, there is divorce, but that has far-reaching ramifications.

There is staying together, but at what price?

And there is working through it.  There has to be remorse and acknowledgment upon the person who inflicted this pain.  There has to be examination as to what made this person lie, deceive and  cheat from both sides!

Maybe that person is just callous and doesn’t feel a need to explain him or herself.  In that case, I say, “adios”.

As black and white as I am, when children are involved, they have to be considered.  What if the cheating spouse is a good parent?  What if he/she was screaming for attention?

I’m certainly not making excuses for the cheater.  I am saying there are usually causes for this piss-poor choice.

Unfortunately, these attention-seeking spouses fall easily prey to those blood-suckers out there who like to draw married men and women into affairs.   Those are the worst kind of people in the world.  You know, the type that consciously goes out to steal the spouse of another person.

Even worse?  The stalker who sets out to steal the spouse of one of their friends.  THAT stalker should rot in hell.

If this has happened to you, give yourself time.  In the beginning, emotions are so overpowering that it is impossible to make a rational decision.  Ultimately, you need to decide if trust and loyalty can be restored.  If not, have enough respect for yourself to end the damaged relationship and give yourself a chance for happiness.

We only have one chance at a happy life.  If happiness is within reach without hurting other people you love, then reach for it.

I ascribe to Yogi Berra’s “It ain’t over, til it’s over” philosophy.  I have always been a competitor in some shape or form and with that came the determination and fortitude to see things through.

All around me, I’ve seen people throw in the towel, give up or call it quits.  That attitude is just not something that sits well with me.  To each his own, right?

I have been in situations where I should have given up, but I figured that I should finish what I started, even if the outcome isn’t what I was aiming for.

In other words, I’ve been, (almost) always, a gracious loser.

I think the way a person deals with loss shows a lot about their character.  As the daughter of a stubborn, independent, and strong woman, having a defeatist nature was never an option.

Call it what you will: obstinance, tenacity, fortitude, whatever, this was drilled into my core personality from day one.

Sure, there have been times when it would certainly have been easier to give up.  However, I like to see the silver lining in everything.

For example, chemistry was the bane of my existence in school for the last year.  For the first time ever, I had test anxiety.  Despite that, I managed a “C” (which is considered average, I guess).  Am I happy with that grade?  Certainly not!  The silver lining is there though:  despite my test anxiety, I managed to get a “C”.  I didn’t fail!  Yippee!!!

I think attitude has a lot to do with stick-to-it-ness.  When you’re a pitcher with bases loaded, a one run lead, and a full-count on the batter, you can’t lose focus, right?

I can’t tell you how many times I came out on top in THAT situation!!!

Instead of giving up, I like to re-examine and sometimes re-focus the course I am on.  That enables me to see things through to the end.

Does this make me a better person than someone who quits easily?  In my opinion, yes.  Why?  Because I have integrity and I can be relied upon.  I’m not looking for the gold medal all the time.  Sometimes completing the trial/course/event/undertaking is enough.

When all is said and done, when there’s nothing left to do, THEN you accept the outcome, whether it makes you happy or not.  At least you can say you gave it your all and stayed the course.

Every summer I travel back to my childhood NY home. I look forward to seeing family and old friends. It allows me to reflect and reminisce about all sorts of things.

On this trip, I had the added bonus of reading my old diaries. These diaries were recordings of my thoughts from 7^th grade to senior year of high school.

The fun of reading your old diaries is remembering events you thought were important and being surprised by things you had long since forgotten.

Here are some of the lessons I learned from reading those books:

1. I thought I was fat and ugly for most of my teenage life.

2. I lied to myself.

3. The girl I thought was my childhood best friend was ALWAYS selfish. I just refused to see it.

4. I swore I would never, ever have a boyfriend.

5. I hated my hometown for a very long time.

6. I was wholeheartedly in love with at least 25 boys who didn’t even know I existed.

7. Having friends talk to the boys you liked didn’t help matters at all.

8. I was (and am) my own worst critic.

9. Falling in love for the first time was magical.

10. Obsessing about things you can’t change still won’t change them!!!

I thought about burning those books, so there would be no proof they ever existed. However, they are really entertaining (only to me, of course). I think it might be fun to read them again in a few years and see how I have changed (or not changed).

Obviously, over the years there is growth and maturity, but I think my core personality has remained pretty constant. That said, I have a lot of patience for people and their foibles, but once you piss me off, watch out!!! (Yes, she really did deserve it when I smacked her and threatened to beat the crap out of her. I should have done it sooner and ended the friendship then and there. Hindsight really is 20/20).

So, if you know a young person, inspire them to write. They may find wisdom in those notebooks years from now

I have to applaud Marie Claire magazine for publishing their “Fat Girl in a Skinny World” articles.  It’s great to see an overweight girl with fabulous fashion sense.

My only gripe is this:  what about the normal-sized girl?

My favorite “normal” girl is Christina Hendricks, who plays Joan Holloway on Mad Men.  Now, that’s a real woman!

Aren’t most girls in this country a size 12?  Why do I feel chunky when I wear either an 8 or a 10?

Back in the day, Hollywood, which has enormous influence on pop culture, praised the curvy woman.  Marilyn Monroe was a prime example.  How did we fall into this skinny, hasn’t-eaten-a-brownie-in-a-decade society?  The skinnier you are, the more your wrinkles show!  That is, of course, if you succumb to Botox and all those other nasty fillers out there.

According to my husband, and therefore my authority on all things male, guys like to have something to grab on to.  No, not cellulite, but a J-Lo ass works well.  Speaking of J-Lo, has she gotten on the skinny train lately too?

As adults, we know what we see in magazines has been Photoshopped to within an inch of its life.  So, when will these magazines (which vulnerable teenagers pick up regularly) decide to show real women, what they look like before and after and how lighting, makeup and the right angel can make YOU look like Angelina Jolie too (o.k., that’s a stretch)?

It’s nice to look at those clothes in the high fashion magazines, but when the heck are we going to wear them?  To a P.T.A. meeting?

Now, I have to admit, that my fashion sense consists of jeans, t-shirts and sneakers.  However, a few times a year I like to get dressed “to the nines” without breaking the bank account!  There are cute clothes out there, even for those of us who rarely spend a dime on ourselves.

Our society has been one that focuses only on the “perfect”.  Well, who decided what is perfect?!!!  I’d like to see a magazine that deals with real women all the time.  We work, we’re mothers, we’re wives, daughters, sisters and we’re BUSY!  We can’t sit in a makeup chair for 2 hours.  Show me how to get there in a 1/10th of the time!

Oh, and maybe show me some more women like Christina Hendricks, since she’s one of the very few you actually see on the cover of a magazine.