Cranky Jennie ;-p

Apple and Moses.  Kingston and Zuma.  Pilot Inspektor.  Denim.  Need I go on?  What is up with celebrities giving their children names like these?  Don’t they remember what grade school is like?  Talk about setting your child up for a major ass-kicking.

I understand wanting to be unique.  I was (am) one of a trillion Jennifers born in the late 60s to early 70s.  I had eight Jennifers in my senior English class.  So, I can relate to wanting to find a name that one in every four people does NOT have.

The latest in this bunch is the newborn daughter of Jennifer Garner and Ben Affleck - Seraphina.  It’s a pretty name, but c’mon!  She’s not going to need her first name in order to stand out.  Her parents are wealthy and famous.  Everyone will know who she is.

Is there some secret celebrity baby naming contest going on?  It’s almost become commonplace for them to reach into some magical bag and come out with the most ridiculous, assinine name possible.  Can’t you just hear Apple’s classmates taunting her?  Something along the lines of, “Hey, are you a Macintosh or a Granny Smith?”.  It’s just further proof that celebrities are NOT like you and me.

Every child and I don’t care who their parents are, wants to be accepted and liked by his/her peers.  When something is “off” about a child, the other kids capitalize on it and abuse the crap out of the kid who is “different”.  I’m not saying it’s right, but it is definitely a fact.

So, starting from day one, these celebrity children are two steps below on the ladder of social acceptance.  That’s not a gamble I was willing to take with my kids.  They’re plain old, regular, typical grade school children (who happen to be brilliant and gorgeous and perfect, of COURSE).

Life is hard enough.  I just don’t get the fascination with unique names like Suri (makes me think of surly), Knox/Pax/Maddox (future boxers, maybe?), and Kal-el (I loved Superman too, but I refrained from naming my daughters Lois Lane).  If you want to run through a few fun ones, try these: Free, Banjo, Homer, Fifi, Peaches and Pixie (they’re sisters), Spec, and Lisa Bonet’s new son,  Nakoa-Wolf Manakauapo Namakaeha Momoa.  Good luck with that last one!

And I thought it was bad enough when my mom had students named Secretia and Female (fe-mal-E).  I think it might be time for Mary, Edward, John and Susan to make a comeback!