Cranky Jennie ;-p

There are many forms of cheating.  The two most common are sexual and/or emotional cheating.

I have always contended that if you feel the need to cheat while you are in a marriage, then there is something fundamentally wrong with the marriage.

I think women adjust to marriage and parenthood better than men.  Women tend to accept that they will become the least important person in a family when raising children.  The needs of the children come first.  Of course, with women’s lib, this philosophy may sound very much out-dated.

For me, selfishness has no place in a marriage.  Marriage is about loyalty, love and trust.

When one spouse goes outside the marriage, they are not only being selfish, they are also betraying the very core of the marriage.

How the betrayed spouse reacts to this is entirely up to them.  If there are children, that just makes the entire situation that much more complicated.  Children love their parents.  The younger they are, the more difficult it is for them to understand the ins and outs of the marital relationship.

The last thing either spouse should do is badmouth the other.  This is obviously very difficult to do.

The emotions for the scorned spouse run the gamut.  Anger, rage, hurt, sadness, depression, guilt, and overall grief persevere.  It’s like bipolar disorder on acid.  The wrongdoer cannot even remotely relate to this pain and suffering.

I contend that there is no greater way to inflict pain on your spouse (outside of abuse, obviously) than to step outside of the marriage physically, emotionally or psychologically.

Is there a way to recover?

Yes, there is divorce, but that has far-reaching ramifications.

There is staying together, but at what price?

And there is working through it.  There has to be remorse and acknowledgment upon the person who inflicted this pain.  There has to be examination as to what made this person lie, deceive and  cheat from both sides!

Maybe that person is just callous and doesn’t feel a need to explain him or herself.  In that case, I say, “adios”.

As black and white as I am, when children are involved, they have to be considered.  What if the cheating spouse is a good parent?  What if he/she was screaming for attention?

I’m certainly not making excuses for the cheater.  I am saying there are usually causes for this piss-poor choice.

Unfortunately, these attention-seeking spouses fall easily prey to those blood-suckers out there who like to draw married men and women into affairs.   Those are the worst kind of people in the world.  You know, the type that consciously goes out to steal the spouse of another person.

Even worse?  The stalker who sets out to steal the spouse of one of their friends.  THAT stalker should rot in hell.

If this has happened to you, give yourself time.  In the beginning, emotions are so overpowering that it is impossible to make a rational decision.  Ultimately, you need to decide if trust and loyalty can be restored.  If not, have enough respect for yourself to end the damaged relationship and give yourself a chance for happiness.

We only have one chance at a happy life.  If happiness is within reach without hurting other people you love, then reach for it.